The 'Paradox'

As young as the age of thirteen I was subject to the adverb all women hear at least once in their lifetime, Too. 'Your too this', ' Your too that' As if at the youthful age of thirteen I was 'too' excessively into myself for any of my also, youthful peers to handle. But if being 'too much' of something was not a sufficient reason to be judged we are also 'not enough', 'Your too much of this but not enough of that'. Haven't we all heard something similar? How many times have you changed a part of yourself to fit in to this paradox?

Always and even to this present moment I will always be 'too girly' and 'not enough' of the opposite, for a little while it never bothered me I was happy (still am) with my pink pencil case and pink fluffy gloves god damn it my favourite colour is pink, never did it cross my mind that I was a label. A label that isn't allowed to swear, get drunk or do anything remotely related to a stereotypical 'girly girl'. I noticed this when I told people that I was going trekking in Ecuador 'No offence, but I didn't think you would be doing that ' or if I got drunk on a Friday night out. I was officially labelled. It was fine for me to be innocent and girly as long as I didn't go past that. If I decided to breach the label contract then I was immediately judged but if I never swore or drank alcohol then I would be frail and fragile. It's one big fat paradoxical trap.

So, balancing out the 'too much' with 'not enough' makes no difference, you will still be 'too much' or 'not enough' of something. I guess what I am trying to say is you are allowed to have matching pink stationary and sign yourself up for two weeks of no make-up and messy hair in a foreign country up a mountain (ahem, me), you are allowed to wear a short dress and say no to the boy hitting on you and you are allowed to like pink and be a feminist!

I am so sick and tired of hearing the same old stereotypical views blah blah blah. If your happy within yourself then go ahead, be too much of one thing and not enough of the other, isn't that what makes us who we are? How boring would the world be if we all conformed.
I sure as hell am not changing being 'too girly' and, I'll swear if I want to.

Love, Laura x


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